My Daily Dose of Functioning

A few thoughts about medication and our brains

"There is a crack in everything, that’s how the light gets in." ― Leonard Cohen

I take my daily dose of my anti-depressant

Because I’m told my brain is broken and can’t be wholly fixed

It’s prescribed by big pharma but I question if it hurts more than it helps

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I didn’t choose to break my brain in a world that already echoes pain

But a daily dose of potential placebo might fix me for just today

Or it might make me robotic and make me numb to even enjoy life

I don’t know if I choose to be numb or experience to feel or to despair

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One day I might not have to take this medication or maybe it’ll be forever

One day I might be able to function where my brain chemicals aren’t altered

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Until then I take this daily dose in hopes that I can function as “normal”

Even though “normal” is an illusion in a world that beckons to madness

So, maybe it’s not so bad after all, thinking that it might help me manage

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Because I have a laundry list of things to do but albeit I’ll approach them differently than you would

Because I have a home to maintain and a husband and kids to keep alive and well but albeit I’ll make some mistakes and fail at those things sometimes

Because I have a job that requires a lot of brain knowledge and hard labor so I can contribute and be a productive citizen

Because I have a role to play in the world around me where it seems that at times we are treated like robots who need to stay in line

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So, this pill helps with all of that and as I look at myself daily in the mirror and take the pill I remember what I said to myself a little over four years ago

Something to the effect of …

I’m taking this pill to function
Because I can' no longer function well on my own
A long time ago my brain was broken
And I know that I wouldn’t have done that alone
Because some things heal with scars
But how do you truly heal a brain
With all of its intricate circuits and wiring and frame
I’ll be gentle with myself and say I’m not weak
Because having to take an anti-depressant isn’t the end of me
It’s an addition to my toolbox where hope and healing live
So that I can then effectively function and to others myself give
A guided path to freedom where darkness doesn’t hold us back
Nope, it’s just a pill, and I take it daily for now and I’m fine with that